Sunday, March 1, 2015

After The Oscars (or The Unexpected Virtue of Low Expectations)

Readying the troops!
So, the one prediction that I actually spent time thinking about turned out to be wrong. It's fine, I'm wrong every year, and I wouldn't want to break the pattern.

There are some good things about Big Hero 6 winning. When I really think about it, it seems like the one everyone should've been rooting for. Kaguya wasn't going to win, let's face it, and while I enjoyed Song of the Sea when I finally watched it, I think Secret of Kells was a stronger contender from the studio. Unfortunately, THAT movie was up against Up. Anyway, HTTYD2 and the Boxtrolls were both good movies but there was something risky about choosing either of them, and usually the Oscars don't follow Sadly's Razor.

SADLY'S RAZOR: When presented with any number of options, go with the risky one.

I say usually because this year the Oscars did something I didn't think they'd do, which is to give the biggest award of the night to Birdman. Good job! It wasn't at all what I was expecting.

I could go on about other parts of the ceremony, the "controversial" jokes or that empowering speech about embracing your weirdness, for instance. Instead, I'm going to dish out my own stupid little awards for mostly arbitrary things in movies last year.

So, without any more ado, it's your cue to find something else to read, also known as


This award goes to a movie that was so unbelievably bad that it left an unbleachable stain. I considered The Book of Life, but since that was well intended and prompted a lively discussion, I left it alone. Why pick on the small studio films when there's a huge walking junkpile that grossed over a billion dollars, and happened to be terrible, standing right in front of me blabbing about the Allspark?

The worst thing about watching Transformers: Age of Extinction was knowing that money had been spent to see it. I love the Transformers, I think it's a great franchise with really cool toys and at least three good animated shows, if not more. But these live action movies suck. They aren't fun to watch at all.

With a billion dollars, you could end world hunger. Instead, they decided to make a fifth sequel.

Hopefully the next one won't have humans in it at all, and they'll get rid of the robot hair. The robot hair was particularly a detraction.


So often comedies are overlooked at award ceremonies. Not this time!

In my opinion, The Lego Movie is also the best film of the year. However, I don't have a category for that so it'll have to settle for funniest.


Here is a movie that more people should see, because it's really good. I considered Song of the Sea for this award, but, as I said above, the one people should REALLY watch is Secret of Kells, which is an awesome movie. That said, here's who really won.

Edge of Tomorrow outshone every action film I saw this year, including X-Men, which I really liked but kind of fell apart in the third act. Edge of Tomorrow needed a more aggressive marketing campaign and they should've stuck with the totally awesome original name: All You Need is Kill.
I recommend you watch it if you haven't.


"Oh my, it's been such a great year for kids films, though honestly none as great as my debut film Hoodwinked, which won every award it was nominated for in that much exalted year it came out. I believe the film that is just as awesome as my own is The Nut Job, yes, yes, indeed, quite."

And that wraps up the awards. If any selected film wants to display the I'm Thinking Of You Award Badge they won, they can do so with this image:

More overly long assessments and discussions coming soon. I tried to keep this post short.

* Also known as The Worst Kids Film Award